Bad movies can be as much fun to watch sometimes as good movies. Or that’s the theory I’m working on, based on the fact that I picked up the DVD of “Godzilla” for $9.99 last night and actually stayed up late watching it.

Now, we’re not talking about the old, old Japanese versions where a screechy thing in a rubbery costume walks around a tiny plastic town (or, as seen at right, combats his ancient foe, The Prop Guy) eliciting shocked reactions from people that talk in short bursts. (”OhitisGodzilla! … Aieewatchout! … Yes!Herehecomes!”)

No, that’s bad, but it’s a different kind of bad. I’m talking about the one that came out in 1998 with Matthew Broderick, made by the guys that brought us “Independence Day”. This was going to be THE big movie of the year. We were all going to sing Godzilla songs and dance the Godzilla dance by year’s end. And then … oops! BOOM! Box-office nukes incoming! Aiee … watchoutwatchout!

The problem is that I kind of liked it. I mean, it wasn’t exactly “Citizen Kane”, despite having similar endings (oops! spoiler!) (kidding.). No big Oscar sweeps to be had. But I’m not quite sure why it bombed so badly. I thought it was as good as it needed to be, and maybe even a little better. I mean, it’s a Big Monster. They might have even managed to make it a Bigger Monster than the original guy. It messes stuff up and steps on a lot of taxi cabs. It nearly but not quite chomps the hero and heroine for about an hour and a half. What else do you want of Godzilla? This shouldn’t be something to pin a lot of expectations on. Reading the member reviews on Netflix shows that people either liked it (like me) or really didn’t. Of the ones that didn’t, a surprising number seem to have wanted the original. Sssso … the computer animated one didn’t shudder and slap its face when it got shot like the Japanese Godzilla? It bummed them out that it blinked sometimes and actually bent at the knees and elbows? There’s no pleasing some people.

It’s not like there aren’t some problems. I have my own list of things that turn out to be really bad ideas. I just think we all need to agree. Not much like the old Godzilla movies — good thing. On the other hand:

1. Unattractive monster — bad thing. It sounds stupid, but the monster is just plug ugly. I mean, either stick with an updated version of the old one (though the pine trees sticking out of his back could go), or have a big dragon that runs fast. That would have been cool!
2. Matthew Broderick as an action movie hero — very bad thing. Whose idea was this? Who are the guys sitting at the Big Table in Hollywood saying, “Let’s see. We need a tough guy who can run from monsters and convey raw emotion and grit. Who do we know that looks like a simp and grins boyishly until you want to smack him? Heyyyy…..”
3. Misplaced attempts at romantic interest and comic relief — stupid-bad thing. Though you can’t blame the makers for this. They did just as lame of a job of it in “Independence Day” and everyone loved that movie. Even corny scenes with the friendly old Jewish gent having a Hallmark moment with all the kiddies of all races while aliens are about the end the world. Even the president (Bill Pullman — yuck) doing the Stirring Speech from “The Hardy Boys Meet der Fuehrer” episode. So no points deducted on this.
4. Having the most pouring rain ever seen in cinematography history — strange thing. Can’t figure that one out. Same guys at the Big Table: “You know what I’m seeing? It’s New York. It’s Godzilla. Dang it, Sid, I’m seeing constant, pouring, torrential rain for every! single! minute of the action. That’s IT!!”

But come on — it’s fun to watch a movie that’s kind of good but mostly bad. It takes all the pressure off. You can get up and go to the kitchen or bathroom anytime you want. You can mentally re-cast, re-script and re-direct it. Or, like me, you can use it as something to do to keep you up till midnight when you know you have to get up early. But then, that part’s just dumb.

*****

Follow-up: After my harsh words about their ugly Godzilla, I had to try coming up with my own version. It turns out to be harder than it sounds. Sure, mine has classic lines and a certain je ne sais quoi. And he’s bookin’ out, by golly! But he doesn’t look like a cab-cruncher. He looks like a very angry reptile that’s late for the bus. Oh well. Maybe if I added some pouring rain …