My morning readings get a little painful sometimes, but this morning I didn’t know in the end whether I was more sad or glad. I’ll break out the two separately, but the first readings turned out to be very hard.

My idea this year was that besides a New Testament reading and psalm, I would read through the Old Testament with the apocrypha after the fashion of those Bible in a year books — something from the pentateuch and historical books, something from the poetical and prophetic books, something from the apocrypha. I can’t read through the Old Testament every year, but I thought the addition of the apocrypha would make it a little easier.

Well, no. Reading the Old Testament is rough, really rough. It’s not that the language is that difficult or that (goodness knows) the story is that hard to follow. But it’s just heartbreaking in a lot of ways. It seems like the slow story of God making bigger and better things, creating them, establishing them — a man, a family, a lineage, a nation — and then us making a hash of it in more and more alarming ways.

The addition of the apocrypha lends new gems to the readings, especially the books of Tobit and Judith. But at present, I’m in the historical books I, II, III and IV Maccabees, which cover the period from 175 B.C. to 54 A.D. On one hand, it’s a little amazing to start reading about what happened in Israel came into contact with Alexander the Great or the early Roman Empire, but these things get short mention and kings and nations I’ve never heard of get a lot more. And in light of the present war between Israel and Lebanon, it’s just incredibly hard to read these detailed accounts of the constant and bloody wars that Israel fought both internally and externally.

Two years later the king sent to the cities of Judah a chief collector of tribute, and he came to Jerusalem with a large force. Deceitfully he spoke peaceable words to them and they believed him; but he suddenly fell upon the city, dealt it a severe blow, and destroyed many people of Israel. He plundered the city, burned it with fire, and tore down its houses and its surrounding walls. They took captive the women and children, and seized the livestock. (I Macc. 1:29-32)

Judas and his men, calling upon the great Sovereign of the world, who without battering rams or engines of war overthrew Jericho in the days of Joshua, rushed furiously upon the walls [of the heavily fortified city of Caspin]. They took the town by the will of God, and slaughtered untold numbers, so that the adjoining lake, a quarter of a mile wide, appeared to be running over with blood. (II Macc. 12:15-16)

Whose side are you supposed to be on? The first quote tells of a victory of the “bad guys”, the second one a victory of the “good guys.” That’s the problem with the Old Testament. Those of us living in the Church Age are constantly horrified by the chronicles of violence and genocide just as we’re heartsick at the endless follies of “the apple of God’s eye” — the nation of Israel that seems so completely bent on its own destruction.

In the present war, almost everyone whose war it isn’t is saying “STOP!” STOP, Israel. STOP, Hezbollah. No more. Enough. No more killing and bloodshed. No more innocents exploited as shields or demolished as collateral damage.

Doesn’t it seem like these areas of the world shouldn’t have any soil left at all, no brick, no plants, nothing that resembles normal existence? They were battle-born and they’ve lived with it ever since. Doesn’t it seem like they would simply be unable to continue making war?

I’m not trying to talk like a pacifist, maybe just another person an age and a hemisphere away that looks at the events of these ancient lands in a perpetual state of wonder and horror. The way things look from this side of the world doesn’t seem like they make much difference. Israel and Lebanon can’t stop, and we can’t make them stop. An abrupt and forced ceasefire would just be another idiotic gesture of a peace that the two warring parties can’t conceive of. It would make Westerners feel good, but then we could all count down the seconds until it breaks out again.

Don’t you think God’s heart must break every day?