I really hadn’t planned to add anything else, but I find that it feels unfinished to leave the odds and ends floating. So just like the end of a movie, let’s just find out where everyone landed, including yours truly

• Jesse James was 34 when he died. He was buried at the James Farm, within line of sight of Zerelda so she could scare off bodysnatchers. His body was moved in the early 1900’s so that he could be buried next to his wife. (A law went into effect in 1900 outlawing the practice of burying people on private property, so they couldn’t bury Zee on the farm.) He was exhumed again in 1995 for DNA testing to resolve his identity and re-buried again. The legend of Jesse James went on and on, of course. The film I saw at the Farm Museum called him the most famous man in the world, which sounds like a gross exaggeration. But in any case, the James Brothers are the third most popular subject of Westerns. Billy the Kid is the first.
• Zee James was broke when Jesse died. She sold all of their possessions and got only $117 for them. (Kind of curious to know what the heck they spent all the money on, since Jesse wasn’t into gambling or big speculating, but we can file that under Things We’ll Never Know.) With her two children, she moved in with a brother in Kansas City. She died in 1900.
• Zerelda Samuels died of a heart attack in 1911, having outlived all three husbands and a few of her children. She was buried next to Zee and Jesse in Mount Olivet, Missouri.
• Frank James surrendered to the governor of Missouri about six months after Jesse was shot. Three years later, he was acquitted of all charges. (??!) He eked out a living being Frank James — doing wild west shows, selling pebbles off Jesse’s grave, that sort of thing. When Theodore Roosevelt survived an assassination attempt in 1912, Frank sent him a braggadocious postcard offering to put together a militia of 100 men (including himself) as bodyguards, stating “I would not take anyone that wouldn’t be prepared to ride into eternal darkness for you if need be.” Frank was 69 at the time. Roosevelt’s people politely declined. Frank died in 1915, aged 72.
• Bob and Charles Ford never got to collect the $10,000 bounty. For reasons I couldn’t figure out, the governor reneged on the deal. And to add insult to injury, both men were charged with James’ murder and sentenced to hang. They received a governor’s pardon a couple hours after the sentence was passed down. With public opinion against them (someone composed this song about “the dirty little coward”) and ex-gang members looking for them, they both took it on the lam. Charles killed himself in 1884. Bob was shot down in Colorado in 1892.

So that’s that. I’d say “rest in peace” and all that, but I’m just as glad that ultimately that’s not up to me.

And what about me anyway? What did I get out of all this?

Well, I never did understand this kind of criminal mindset, but then I started to think I was asking for an extraordinary amount of discernment to think that I ever would. If nothing else, it just proves that a person, a family and a society can all be crazy in the same way.

I also never could draw some kind of parallel, even just for the sake of comedy, between my petty crimes and the ones being talked about, but then I did only talk about my petty crimes. I wasn’t likely to reference the kinds of real egoism, malice, dishonesty and mean-spiritedness that don’t make for good reading. Also, it’s worth considering my personal context. I just wasn’t brought up to look for my answers in breaking the rules, hurting people and wanting an eye for an eye. I’m not saying that it’s society’s fault or something when bad guys turn out bad. But we are all different. We’re tempted by different things, and we’re capable of different things. If I live my life making the worst choices every time, I may never end up killing 17 people, but then again, I might cause some repercussions that I could never imagine.

And of course, it’s not really for me to understand anyway. God will do the sorting. This side of glory, we just keep trying to do the right thing and try also not to be overly judgmental towards other people that don’t.

I can also report that the Whiskey Chicken made good leftovers, as did the malted milk balls.