When a friend told me there was a series of mystery novels set in Emperor Justinian’s Constantinople, I was tickled pink. I like mystery novels and a series like the Brother Cadfael mysteries makes me think that the Byzantine Empire at its 6th century golden age would be a fascinating setting. When I heard the protagonist was a eunuch in the emperor’s court, I imagined that that would lend an extra depth to the character. In fact, I was so sure that I would like the series that I put the first four books — “One for Sorrow,” “Two for Joy,” “Three for a Letter,” “Four for a Boy” — on my Amazon wish list and got them all for Christmas.

Unfortunately, in the three assumptions I detailed above, I was wrong, wrong and wrong.

Well, I’ll back up. I still think Christian Constantinople could be a fascinating setting — the problem is that, straining the powers of credulity, John the Eunuch’s Constantinople isn’t Christian. The authors managed to make the city that was the heart of Eastern Christianity seem more nominally Christian than any American urban center. John the Eunuch is a Mithra-worshipper and, in the sort of double-standard that modern Christians have had reason to grow familiar with, though the rites of that religion are presented with feeling and dignity (including the slaughter of a bull over an initiate), Christianity, which was in such force in that region that reports had it that in every marketplace Christians were debating the theological points of the latest heresy, is relegated to background detail or derided outright. John’s Christian slave is a dotard and a bore. Stylites in the first two books are foul-smelling madmen living on pillars in their own filth. Justinian is a despot and Theodora is Emelda Marcos.

And to add injury to insult, the books aren’t even that well-written. I’m guessing that there’s some real knowledge of the time period at heart, but amazingly the authors fail to give any of the richness of detail, exploration of city and court life or even basic description and emotion to carry the day. From the beginning, they managed to make one of the greatest cities in civilization in its time seem both decadent and tedious, mired in bureaucracy and petty politics on every level.

‘Nuff said. In my humble opinion, give these a miss. Pick up any of the Brother Cadfael books for an eminently more satisfying read.